Just talked to my cousin... she's like my drug of happiness! I don't know who else can make me this happy... without her who am I going to sing those 38 songs to? Even if I find a person to sing them to I am not even sure if he/she would understand or even find it remotely funny. Man I wish she's here to share all my sorrow and joy with... but then again if she's here there would be no sadness but happiness. Or craziness... nothing ordinary for sure.
On the way driving to L.A. I was thinking if I ever get a chance, I want to go back to Taiwan, go to the hospital I was born at, go back to the old apartment I used to live in, go back to my schools, go find my friends... etc etc. I think... I want to go and find my root... yup. I will someday, hopefully soon. I want to go visit the people who knew me when I was just a little girl and then talk to those who knows me family, especially those who knows my mom and remember my mom. I had a chance once, to meet one of my mom's old friends, but I chickend out. Yeah... I think if I were given a second chance I would go, smile, say hi, and ask her questions... questions that she might not even know the answers to... but it's okay, as long as I get to find out some stuff I don't know or don't remember.
Anyways... it is getting late... when are we leaving?

Continue from last night. I am basically giving myself a time limit here, to do things I shouldn't and normally wouldn't do... and I am going to enjoy this time. But I will slowly regain some self control, hopefully soon. As much fun as I am having, I know it isn't going to last. And I think the bottom line is-- this isn't me... or I don't want this to be me...
O(o';'o)O~~ this is me.

I am so thankful that I am not allergic to Levi anymore. I am happy he is in my life. Lately I have been doing things I normally wouldn't do, not sure if it is a good approach to life but it's a good break from the old self. But I am starting to miss myself, I think it is about time she slowly returns and handle things the way they should be handled. I believe she will be back by 9-13-2002... or at least that's when I am expecting her. joyce is playing computer right now......hahaha.....(this is joyce)