SUPER ANNOYED. I hate it when things happen again time after time after time. It's just rude, it makes me feel stupid. Apparently youtube videos and others alike are more appealing and important, not to mention interesting I suppose. I understand that everyone needs to brain dump, or unwind from the day but at least be upfront about it. When I need to blog I tell it like it is. It irks me to no end when this kind of crap happens on a regular basis. From this pt on I'm going to reconsider some stuff.

Also I'm starting to realize that something I've always thought should be there isn't there. Call me a hopeless romantic but I've always imagined that a person would feel strongly about me just like the way my dad felt about my mom. That he would just know, and would just take that step make that commitment. That it takes some instinct, some gut, some passion, and action. That there's this sense of faith and fate, and an urge that cannot be controlled or denied. That some rationality's lost and instead is replaced by passion. I don't know, am I just thinking myself silly lately? Is it a matter of time or a matter of knowing? I've always believed in "you would just know". And not this "wait and see, trust but verify" type of attitude which turns me off. It's not strong enough for me to go on and it would only make me backtrack, and make me want to pull back and shut off. Too careful with me is never a good tactic since Ive always admired/be drawn to ppl who is a bit more aggressive and more confident in what they do what they want. And if they are not then I'll interpret it as "not good enough, don't want".

Don't know .... this conflict is harder to resolve than I expected. My supposed desire vs logical thought are constantly fighting each other lately. I don't know-- don't necessarily want to be logical, rational and understanding all the time because why should I compromise the other half of myself that is speaking equally loud, and deserves equal attention? Why do I always have to compromise one over the other and why is it always the inner voice that gets buried away? Why!!!!!!!!!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhh I am tired!