strange monday. Saw a dragon fly flying around outside the little conference room distracting me from paying attention to the not so good news. I laughed, "what's so funny" he asked, Oh nothing I said. "Are you laughing because u think funny & pathetic?", yes I said. What's pathetic is that I actually don't care anymore, I am not affected, don't wish to be bothered, just going along with the flow. It isn't that I don't wish to take things seriously, however what's the point if I am the only person worrying and stressing over it? I am doing my best, and that's my limit. I already have enough dreams about work, meetings, discussions, I shouldn't have to feel bad if something, or all things go wrong. Or should I? Am I going to be held responsible for people's behavior? They are afterall so far away from me, I really have no control over that. Even if they were here, next to me, how much more can I do differently to make things work? Normally I would be frustrated, upset, irritable, but today I find it funny. Nothing can surprise me anymore... actually one thing can, if they suddenly do things ahead of time and do them well, if they actually turn in things (completed) on time, if there are no problems... no BS, no politic, no childish games... now that, would surprise me. How sad is this, I am turning into this cynical witch (not like i was all fun and joyful before) beyond imagination! Or... some might disagree and say "no, you were always like that!"... but the point is I am not sure if this is a good thing or not; to loose my drive within 2 months or maybe it's a matter of accepting reality and learning how to relax. I guess it depends on how you see it... but does it matter? It doesn't change anything ...

Maybe I need to see more than one dragon fly from now on to balance out the shittiness in the air. Yup... or maybe people should get ready to kiss my ass one day (hopefully soon) because I will get there in no time, and they better be prepared for my arrival. =)