it has become increasingly difficult for me to express myself freely. In this space. I'm trying my best right now to just type what it is on my mind without holding back. I think it was easier back then, while I worked, to just write whatever it is on my mind because I was always angry and my anger was not something I would be ashamed of. In other words I felt I had strong and perfectly valid reasons for writing whatever it is that I wrote during the years that I worked. Ever since I stopped working I've been living a pretty kick back and happy life. I guess that just means I don't have much to complain about and things are going well, so I started documenting things that I don't even care to write about it. Blogging is now a habit but it doesn't truly serves a purpose anymore. But in the past month during my family's stay, I began to feel anger and frustration again, and felt an urge to write everything down... however this time I can't and I shouldn't write too much about what it is that bothers me. I think that's because I know the things that come out of my mouth might end up hurting someone else, if not myself. I think I know that this anger is temporary, and that in the end I would regret the things I wanted to say... maybe that's why. Is this a sign of maturity, to know when to bite my tongue? When to just let things go? TO LET GO is as hard as to HOLD ON. Why not just go with the flow?

Anyway. Feels as though I'm making nonsense again. I'm tired. I'm really tired. And I have a lot of school work to do, I realized I manage my time better when my family's here. Having my brother around has indirectly forced me to manage my time better and become more disciplined. I miss them a bit but as expected I'm back in the game-- not completely but getting there. Actually that's not true, I think my heart's elsewhere, I feel like a zombie.

I just want to sleep the whole day. Right now I just want to sleep, I feel nasty and I need to shower. F it, I'm too tired to be standing up for 30 min straight, I need to just lay down. The couch looks good right now.