all or nothing just recently I've been experiencing lots of extremes: excessive drinking, last minute across the globe traveling, eating too much Japanese food (three meals in a row), emergency work situations on a daily basis for a week, and last but not least this trash talking situation I am in right now. you see, it's not like I want to be in it, but sometimes things just happen and shit gets thrown at you so you have no choice but to either dodge or catch it. I used to always catch it and throw it back, but this time around I think I am sick of catching it... neither will I be paying much attention to what's being thrown at me. this time around, I will simply walk away. I will keep walking and I won't look back. since everything I do is wrong and everything I say is bs, I simply don't see the point of continuing to respond to anything anymore. why can't I just have a peace of mind? it's either that i'm too rational or that he's too emotional. perhaps it is both, or maybe he's not really listening to what I have to say? I feel as though he heard me but he's choosing not to understand me. or that he does know me deep down but he's choosing to lash out against me, to justify his behavior by making me the one at fault. whatever he is doing I completely accept and then ignore-- or at least that's my strategy. that's what I plan to do. I think i'm just tired... tired of being affected by his words. I know myself well enough to know whatever he says is only his opinion, his opinion only. I'm just surprised at his action and I guess I was wrong all along too, I thought things would be different, but I thought wrong.

it's such a shame. maybe what we need is time.