I feel like a horrible person, not guilty but just a bit f' up. I know I should have just let him know right off the bat that I'm not interested in meeting up ever but when i'm put on the spot I just can't say no. HOWEVER, I have learned from this experience and I will try my best to never, ever repeat the same mistake twice. The horrible part is that I don't necessarily feel bad because of the way I handled the situation (okay maybe a little) but it's really because of karma. The idea that one day someone that I sincerely like might treat me the same way I treated him is scary to me, and even though I feel in the long run jetting out last minute was a better choice (for my own happiness and sanity), nevertheless what I did, was extremely inappropriate and unkind. I'm an inconsiderate person and I am selfish, I deserve to be single for another 6 months... okay 4... hmmm make that 2. Either way, this shows that I am still quite immature, and that I'm nowhere near ready to let anyone new into my life. So in conclusion, I will stop bitching blantantly or quietly about not having a significant other to spend my free time with... (-_-)

Speaking of having someone... my ex coworker just informed me that she's pregnant! Congratulations to her! I can't believe it though... things seemed to have sped up for her and at the same time, it makes me feel like I should perhaps be a bit more aware of my own timeline. I understand that there's absolutely no point in keeping track of my biological clock since my heart will remain forever 25, while my body will remain forever 11 it seems... but it would be a lie if I say I'm not nervous at all. Aye... I'm so happy for ppl but at the same time I get a bit paranoid... the what ifs keep popping up. GO AWAY WHAT IFS!

alright. focus on my own shit...