man this is exactly what I needed, a night alone at HOME. Not in LA not in some club or bar, not anywhere where I have to deal with ppl that I don't really care about. I do want to hang out but I don't have the energy or the desire to get myself out there and mingle... nope not right now, not tonight. I'm feeling really pooped and I think another DVD will do me good-- CLOSER, yup that's one of the three DVDs I rented earlier on today in prep for tonight. I already saw a movie in the theater (Sin City, very interesting) today, came home and watched Garden State so I guess my next choice would be Closer. I'm sure that movie will get me thinking like it did the first time, but again what movie doesn't have an affect on me? Almost all movies do.

why am I feeling this way? b/c I'm sick and I have a running nose? Running nose... what a weird way of stating the symptom. Anyway I'm feeling yucky I'm feeling depressed I'm feeling everything a girl shouldn't feel on a saturday night. Maybe this is why I need to stay home or perhaps, it is the exact opposite? Maybe this is why I should stay away from home, b/c I get too comfortable too lazy too down to do anything else but to sit around and let the bitterness swallows me whole. I'm one cynical bitch, the brilliant side of me is gone for the night, not sure where it went? Maybe it went into hiding today when it witnessed something that it didn't wanna see.

fuck I sound crazy. so the plan is, shower, fold laundry while watching CLOSER then sleep, wake up early and meet my class at LACMA. Got the direction and everything, yup as usual I plan ahead. I guess I'll focus on school, once again channeling this dark energy into something greater, something worth while. I should only focus on the things that I can control, instead of the things that are out of my reach.

you know there's a reason why I party on weekends... a reason I myself forgot about until now. Why now? B/c I'm home on a friday night and I've been driving myself crazy for the past 1.5 hr... I do stupid things when I'm alone and emotional. Why am I emotional? B/c my body's inactive but my mind won't shut off... it's causing a chemical imbalance I think. The brain is running on high speed and it's probably releasing some weird enzymes that should not be released... am I even making any sense? I don't know, I'm anything but a scientist. Speaking of which, I think ppl really took me for a designer when I volunteered at the Pacific Design Center on thursday... ppl were smiling at me and saying "hi, how are you?" Hmmm maybe they are just nice and I'm too guarded to ever do that voluntarily? Who knows... either way it felt nice to be out and about, doing something useful for a change. Never knew I could feel this good about working, NONE PAID too.. I think I like helping out. And today I helped Ana paint her room... it was fun even though the smell made me felt worse than I already felt at the time (cold AGAIN or allergy, not sure), but seriously I had fun. I am a messy painter. Anyway, I think it's time I do start acting like a designer, b/c if I don't act like one then how can I expect ppl to believe that I am one.

So now I'm home, alone, sitting here quietly typing away. Reflecting on the week and all the cool little things that happened to me... it's always the little things that count. See I keep meeting these random ppl, the gay dude who let me park at PDC for free, the conversation I had with John who has his own practice but also teaches part time... he too attended UCLA extension for the program that I'm currently in. Yes he did give me his business card but I think that's b/c in the end he was just flirting with me... and my teacher who gave me his contact info so I can send him information about my dad's company, just in case him or his design team... hmmm more precisely in case Jacky Chan's ppl need a shoe manufacturer. Well yes networking, I'm trying to network for my dad... then there was the McDonald dude who somehow charged me less for the two meals that I got tonight, what else? Hmmmmmmmmm oh and me getting away with not thoroughly fixing one of my models for the elements class... dunno I feel like I'm getting away with little things this month and I'm hoping that they won't come back and bite me in the ass later. I hope not... I'm just having a good week despite my moodiness... OHhh and how can I forget, the Phillis Morris' Grand Opening party-- by invitation only. It's good to know ppl in high places, or in this case, it's good to know ppl who works at kookoon. :) We walked in, the names didn't even need to be checked b/c Phillis Morris' marketing guy just walked up to kim and said "ohhhh Kim I'm so glad you made it, come in girls come in!". Yup... I know I love to be the friend of someone, the friend of a somebody and I'm okay with being a nobody--- spotlight doesn't need to be on me!! Then the first thing we did was to check out the bed that kookoon dressed, and right away we were being asked to have our photo taken. Man.... all i gotta say is I felt like a somebody even though the truth is.... I'm just me. That photographer took two more pictures of us later on in the evening while kim and I were drinking our one and only wine, why one and only? b/c they ran out... what a shame, dry bar, not the place to be.

So yup... that's my week, very eventful.... it's like there's always something to do some place to be someone to meet... but I chose to stay home and think. Why? B/c I'm retarded... I almost did something really dumb and I'm glad I didn't... phewwwww.... aye it's nice being home. I know what my problems are, I know what I need to fix, except the question remain, WILL I FIX Them or more appropriate, will I be fixed? Who knows, to be continued...