I'm stuck between a rock and som.

I am feeling what I felt back in the dark ages again... I'm asking myself questions that involve meaning of life or simply, meaning of this job and the craziness associated with it. I honestly need a break...

struggling between I want and I need.... WANT vs NEED once again. I want to travel freely around the world and join meaningful organizations that actually do things that truly matter, that truly makes a difference, but I need to keep myself on "the right track" so I can live pragmatically and afford the things I have and need / want. I want to find peace and perfection.... once again, I know, there's no "perfection" here in this world but just a matter of how we perceive things. With a positive outlook everything (good or bad) could be THE PERFECT opportunity for something greater, and with a negative outlook everything is just shit. I prefer to be positive and I try to be thankful of my job... well okay here it is; I am thankful for the job for the knowledge for the opportunity and for the co workers I have whom I share this passion for architecture and interior design, with whom I enjoy working side by side on and doing the things I do... I do love my job function very very much. BUT, I also am incredibly sick of this mgmt this schedule this push over bend over backwards and let you f me in the a type of behavior we have here..... this illusion that the mgmt has tried to create and this lack of real sincerity and respect for the employees and their time. That there's no real appreciation for the amount of time and effort everyone else puts into....... I especially hate it when the pm makes it seem like we should be glad and just take it b/c afterall we are in design! OH really? Ohhhh yeaH! I should celebrate and count my blessing huh? Fuck her for making it seem like well this is architecture this is design, be glad? THAT IS SUCH BS! A good design firm could also have a good mgmt team and good leadership that holds its grounds and has its own principle and values.... that manages time well, not like this.... If I cannot find an outlet for my frustration and anger soon I might just grab anything I have and hit her over the head with it. IF another dumb thing comes out of her mouth with that stupid smile she puts on I might just loose it. I MUST CONTROL MYSELF.....

ONe more week, and I'm on vacation... just need to control myself, one more week. I CAN DO IT! I Am going to have a great weekend and be on time for all my social events, going to have a great productive workweek, going to have peace, efficiency, etc, then a great vacation, and come back refreshed and ready to work and be focused again. I am not going to let any stupid Bitch affect me anymore from this point on. I will keep my composure, be kind, patience, professional, and just have a great time.

I hope the clients are happy, and that they are pushing the deadlines back.

I will be happy, again, from this point on.