ohhh I'm so glad that this is working. I've been wanting to blog, needing to blog but for some odd reason it hasn't been working at all. First off, glad that my quarter is finally over, I got two A's and one B+. For drafting class I got the A and again he asked whether I would like to leave my work behind so he can use it in class for his next class. He also gave me his e-mail address and phone number so I can call him and give him my dad's company information, just in case Jacky Chan and the ppl that he works with might need a shoe manufacturer. Seriously sometimes you just gotta grab the opportunity and pursue it, you never know what could happen and the worst one can get is a "no" for a response. I need to finish my Casino/resort model and turn it in on Sunday before we meet for class at LACMA, but so far I know I've done pretty damn well in the class and I realized I see things in 3 dimensions while most ppl see things on a 2 dimension. Not everyone can do that, a lot of ppl struggle with it and I'm just glad I'm one of the lucky few who actually get it right away. Then there's that color theory class which I love-- I know I didn't get the grade that I want, but I expected it to be in the B range. Seriously that class stressed me out and all I can say is I've walked away with more knowledge, and more importantly I've walked away with just a bit more patience than I had 12 weeks ago. Anyway I'm glad the quarter is over, spring break or not this is the time I get to relax and I need it, badly. I need to be home, I want to be home and just be in O.C. for a bit.

Anyway so lately I've been meeting ppl and I did go out on a few dates, but honestly I'm not happy. I still feel lonely and empty and I know for sure now dating... to date multiple ppl or to talk to multiple ppl at once is not my thing. I still think that there's absolutely no point in hanging out and going out to dinner if I don't see myself with the guy in the future. I know a lot of ppl think "Well how can you know unless you've gone out with them and get to know them"? Well to me I still feel you don't need much other than a quick glance to know whether you see yourself with the guy or not... the guy may be great but first impression is everything. I have to admit though, I've met great ppl and they are all really cool, but no one that I would care enough to put in any more thought or effort into getting to know... so the conclusion is I'm just gonna chill and do what I do best-- be alone. Yes it gets boring and lonely, but I've got great friends and I'm sure I'll be fine. I still fight this empty feeling though, I doubt that it'll go away any time soon but I rather deal with this than to deal with going out on dates when I know I have absolutely no real interest in them. I hate to be insincere and like I said before, dating is gaming and I hate it, not in the mood to play.

So other than school, I am starting to think maybe I do want to find a part time job again. Tutoring? I'm considering working on my business card, designing a card like how I wanted to before except this time it will be strictly for myself only. Before I wanted to design a card for me and Connie so I can help her manage her freelence but she's made it clear that she doesn't have much time since she's so busy with work... but I still feel the need to have a business card and florence is right, I gotta learn to see myself as a designer, before i can expect others to believe in me as a professional. I will be and I am one in training, so I shouldn't shy away from it. Instead I should embrace it and learn to walk and talk like one... we'll see but I think that's one thing I'll work on, asap.

anyway dunno... I feel so tired, I need to sleep early. I should..... I need to sleep so my mind can get to work-- to sort things out to make sense of the crap that I am feeling right now... I feel empty and depressed... why? I'm sure my dream will provide me with an answer