Fuck it. I think I want to travel more. I want to go to all the places that I've ever wanted to go...

so much to say, so little time. Before I was able to find time at work, during the painful dlink days. now i have no time to blog, no time to do much of anything else.....

heaven knows i have so much to say, so much that i want to express in the past month or so.... so much has changed (for the better) in the last month and again, so much has happened and perhaps about to change, just in the last couple of days. I don't even know where to begin ....... I'm angry because I feel like a curve ball was thrown at me and I am frustrated because I feel like I've been put in a situation where I can only give one answer, which is "i'll support your decision". In the end I will, and I will do whatever it takes to make it work but will I be happy, that's almost a guaranteed NO!

I mean I am not short sighted, I can see the potential for something great..... I can endure a short period of pain in return for something worthy and amazing. I know all that, I can be damn rational, but does that mean I am not angry right now? no.

why is it that with everything I want in life there's always such a huge price to pay for? That there are always restrictions, or rules to play by..... nothing ever DIRECT. Seriously, life, interrupted. Why can't it just be a straight forward thing? WHy is it such a loaded question , a proposal with baggage and lots of strings attached. I would have been so happy and I would still be happy, but I think there will be a part of me that will resent the situation.

either way i'm in no place to think right now. tomorrow must work, well, must get to work on time. NY folks coming in. I'm so pissed, i can't really sleep. But i have to. I hope I can find some outlet or some kind of an insight in my sleep....... fuck I am pissed.