you see, I still think of _._ too but I prefer to keep it to myself. I don't need to broadcast it in anyway other than to quietly express myself in my own journal. Especially don't feel the need to share it with _._ directly. B/c I know it is natural to think to reminisce to wonder, but it isn't always good to SHARE. Just like how things are now, I mean I enjoyed the time I spent with _._ back then but now I like my life the way it is. I guess it is also b/c I've been busy-- just the right amount of things to do-- combination of school, work, social life, etc. In fact I feel super tired right now having to worked in the past two days at the silver spoon's pre-golden globe event... lets just say I'm not star struck but I did enjoy looking at beautiful ppl the whole two days. One thing though, these beautiful ppl are so shameless I swear. They are both 1) good actors/actresses and 2) forgetful it seems.

They come around a couple of times pretending to have never seen or heard or gotten the product so they can get a few more, for their mom, gf, sis, friends, the whole 8 generation. It's like wow, thick skinned I see. Other than that, it was very tiring, harsh on the body. I say that b/c we had to stand from 8:30 9-ish am to 5:00/6:00 pm... playing nice and friendly and girly (yes girly, tough), was just... different than what I had to do. Before I meet clients that are in their 40's if not 50's, all either directors if not VPs (or higher) of major corporation... I had to be very mature and professional, I had to play the part and compete with men. I had to speak and dress professionally, carefully, intelligently-- my image was important but it usually takes a back seat when it comes to proving myself and my abilities. Trust was important and trust only came from working together closely and building a relationship after time and letting others know that I am reliable and I am capable.

Now however, things have gotten suddenly so much, I wouldn't say easier b/c it is actually quite difficult for me to adjust, but simpler. Image is number one, everyone plays NICE (I call it fake) and there's really no intelligence involved other than how well a person handles chit chat and the whole superficiality of it... dunno... it's quite interesting I have to say and I do enjoy the change. I think this will help me improve my interpersonal skills, or at least the skill required to talk to strangers that I really don't give a F about and be nice, be girly, be feminine, be someone else but me.

Speaking of which, last night was a weird night, fun I suppose since those ppl are so incredibly friendly and talented, but I can't say I was relaxed b/c I still felt uncomfortable. I'm a strange cat I think, want to get to know new ppl but when I do I don't really open up, I keep them at a distance. There's only few ppl out there that I feel comfortable with right away and few that I want to really take in and become friends with. Everyone else's just... I guess "Friends" but not my buddies like the ones I already have in my life. A girl only needs few good friends to live a happy life, and I think I'm so lucky in that area where I have many of them, guys and girls... meeting ppl is still fun, but truly open up and accepting them is another story. Vice versa I guess, I don't expect to be fully welcomed and accepted, so I appreciate those ppl, they were so welcoming and friendly, amazing.