sell modesty

uneasiness were carried over into dreams. kicking becomes a manifestation of my frustration. beating him up in my dream results in the active movement of my right foot-- I woke myself up. It's silly isn't it? Sure it is... but it is an outlet, the best outlet. Now I can think clearly and rationally. And I am I think most would agree, a rational, reasonable girl, with a few random outburst of hidden emotion but that's okay, right? Afterall, I am a girl. But excuses aside, I strive to make a decision based on logic. Do what's best and right, do what's appropriate for the time. Do what's been put off and avoided for year+ now. It's time I suppose, to be 100% woman and 0% lil' girl again. Damn it, that sux, but I can do it.

now the door of opportunities is wide open it is up to me to step out or shut it. I've been leaving it just wide enough for me to take a peak of the unfamilar playground, with few exceptions whom managed to put one foot into the door... however this time it is up to me, to step outside of my own familar ground. I am happy where I am at, with what I know, with how I feel. Now to step out means I will find something else, be it better or worse, but it will be something else. Something new, new knowledge, new understanding, new experiences... I cannot say I will enjoy it or hate it, and I can't even say I am eager to find out, but I know it's the only option for me. It's something that must be done and needs to be done now, now it's the time. But having that said, how certain am I to take that step? I am not too sure... when the time comes, will I shut the door instead? Will I shut the door now until the one knocking is expected and has returned? Or will I be gone leaving the place empty, off finding a new ground some place else? Will the one I know return knocking or will I only receive a phone call? Or none at all...

a decision awaits and no regrets' allowed. this is my only option, the only viable option.