hehehehe... I fell asleep at work today. For a good 15-20 minutes..until my co worker called .... I had a really hard time waking up although my feet were up on the table, back sort of sore, but once you fall into that half conscious stage you sort of loose control over your physical and mental well-being. It is really difficult to party hard and work hard the next day, although I didn't party that hard last night but it took more energy out of me than usual. It was worth it tho, definitely worth it... made my week seem that much shorter and happier because I was having the shittiest day at work... sometimes I wonder why I trouble myself and tie myself down with these worries... afterall they only matter and take up half of my time in a day.... okay well more than half but really, learn to let go is still one thing I can't master. Only if I have patience, and can let go things... I'd be a much happier person.

Now that I am at this stage in life what else is missing? Or is this considered complete? Take things one step at a time is a method but what is my end goal? Where do I want to go? what are my milestones? One milestone that would have meant something is coming up soon, it doesn't exist anymore but if it did, it would mean a lot I think? A lot or very little? I don't know... but it would definitely have an impact on me... 4 years... not everyone can do that, I couldn't. But just to think that I might have been able to... wow.... even so, what does it mean really? What would be next? I think I will always ask myself that question.... just like out on the dance floor.. I never look at the guy I dance with, I am always looking at something else, looking around. Ana said she would hate to date me or dance with me because I can't focus.... well same applies to the both of us but is it true? that I can't focus? Or am I just waiting and searching for something, someone worthy of my full attention? Or maybe I am just greedy and I am hard to satisfy... looking around isn't bad, but to miss what's in front of you is dumb. I don't think I have made that mistake, have I? That mile stone doesn't exist but it doesn't mean I don't acknowledge it's significance, or potential meaning. It's something that I will keep track of regardless of its actual existence, whether it is something I can say outloud or quietly in my heart... it's there, definitely there. I know it, and I am not the only one who knows it. :)

A decision was made. Like it or not... I will try to abid by the rule. But a person as fickle as I am... what's the point of forcing her to stand by one or another? When the fun of it is to swing on the swing and try to maintain the balance... the higher you go, the faster you come down, but also the more you see and feel. It's a delicate balance... I don't know how long I will be able to sit on the swing and not move my feet...to give it that one little kick, to pick things up. Kick, kick, swing Swing! It's been days, I am still a here, with Levi. How lovely. Happy almost 4 years... hahaha.. this proves a title means nothing... it's how you feel that counts. Happy single life.... hahaha again that title means nothing... it's what you do that counts. Aye.. psycho bitch! go to sleep...