on the drive home yesterday my attention wasnt so much on the road or what's in front of me... instead I was drawn to the beautiful colors of the fireworks shooting up in the sky from afar... it was fascinating. It's like the most exciting, creative work of art you can see on the freeway driving in the dark... "Happy Chinese New Year" I thought... huh, alone, driving... alone.

I was supposedly going "home" to celebrate New Year's Eve... but it felt like just another friday, just driving home... the things that made it a bit different were the phone call from my dad and the fireworks in the sky. On the phone his first sentence was where are you, how come you are not at home yet? shouldn't you call them so they don't wait for you for dinner... "ha! Don't worry they won't wait, they never wait". I didn't say it with bitterness but it was just the truth! It's a fact, that's all. And my dad said oh do you know your brother and sister are here? "Yeah I know..." It sounded to me, he felt kinda incomplete, that his oldest daughter wasn't there on a day when families should gather all together, even if on that day no one is really doing anything, but just to be there, united. It was a weird feeling to hear that kind of emotion in his sentence, it wasn't obvious but it was there... I just felt it... hidden message or something... but I think I shared his thoughts at that moment. It has been more than 10 years since I have celebrated "New Year" together with my family. Not to say uncle, aunt, house at La Mirada isn't home, but at times like this I do wish to be with my family wherever they are. Well, it's nice to know they thought of me and called me to wish me a Happy New Year, and of course my step mom tried to sound more like a mom and said "you are older now, another year, more mature, blah blah... YOU ARE considered 23 YEAR OLD!" hahahaha... yes I know I know... I told her I think about that daily, sooner or later they will have to find me a husband.

Bleh, Happy Chinese New Year.