alright the truth is no matter how cozy my room looks I miss home. I know I always struggled with the concept of home... like where's home and how I feel forever displaced sometimes, but at moments like this is when I know what home means and where exactly, is that place for me here in the States. I guess I just need to ease into things, take some time to adjust and don't get me wrong, my room my bathroom and everything looks pretty nice, it's not perfect but it's mine. However that's not enough for me.

Maybe it is b/c there are ppl around me that aren't normally here. Like I gotta get used to and feel comfortable around these ppl which is a bit difficult for me. There are only few ppl in this world that I am truly 100% comfortable with, besides family I mean. There's my girls, J.W and J.Y, that's it. Around everyone else I always feel like I can't relax, I need to relax, especially on weekends. Maybe this is why I have my music blasted right now, to the highest volume so it drowns out all other noise (their video game noise for example). I just need a lot of quiet time, a lot of alone time (which means being around ppl I'm 100% comfortable with, so comfortable that I don't feel the need to "socialize"). Well and at night too, like I need to have my room to myself unless the person that I share the room with is someone that, again that I can feel comfortable with. I dont mind it, it's just in the end I realize why I'm single and how I might just be this way for a long time. Not b/c I can't find someone but I think deep down I want it this way, I'm too used to being alone doing things alone and of course, sleeping alone.

I know I contradict myself a lot right? Maybe I don't even know what I want or maybe I do but I'm too afraid to go after it b/c that requires time and adjustment. Who knows...

last night met a guy that I find semi attractive, perhaps it's b/c of his playfulness and forwardness... who knows. But I get a feeling nothing will come out of it either... as usual right?

alright I gotta go home, pick up my homework and then, my fat cat. I think once Levi is here I'll feel better.

Another thing, I'm fucking lucky I get wireless connection... from where? No idea, but just glad. I hope I'll always get this wireless connection.

:)