to be quite honest, I was concerned with myself; I lost the drive and motivation to do well, to want to be successful, to focus and keep moving forward. Even though I can feel myself slipping away and sort of going off track, I've been doing a pretty good job keeping to my schedule (minus sleeping at the wrong time due to jet lagged) and moving as I planned. Using a planner has helped me keep track of things and I'm pretty happy with myself so far, I guess for me feeling one way doesn't really affect me when it comes to implementation and execution... somehow my action doesn't match with how I feel, I still do as I should even though I am feeling rather lazy and what's the word, out of whack?

BUT!! Since I am still following my own rules and doing things, checking things off my list, I finally checked out Hirsch Bedner's website and I must say I can feel my energy coming back. Maybe not so much so soon but I am starting to get excited again, about this whole thing. I must admit, the thought of me failing was scaring me a bit and the idea that I might not succeed in this industry is very discouraging, but having checked out the site and being reminded of what it is that I am aiming for, I can feel my drive slowly coming back... it's almost as if I am recharged just by viewing the site. The thing is I think eventually, residential design is really what I want to do, but to learn on a grand scale, to learn the dynamics of design I still feel hospitality is where I should begin. To learn from such a company would be my pleasure and I would be so grateful if I can get an internship there-- so here we go, this is the most important part, I ve decided if possible, I will take summer off and just intern at Hirsh Bedner. I just hope they find me valuable in some ways and hopefully I will be offered a full time position there when I graduate. I don't know if I want to give myself a second option because this is it, I'm pretty sure. So since I am not the type to live day to day w/o worrying, might as well set a clear goal and direction, so I can move towards it slow and steady.

this is really what I want, for now. I sincerely believe that this company is the company for me. I feel if I am lucky enough to just get a taste of the company and its projects, I will be that much more prepared to start my own business in the future.

yup... this is it!!! I MUST GET IN AND MAKE IT. No other way around, no other option. GOOD LUCK to myself!!