argh jetlag. It's not even 12 and I'm feeling very sleepy... this is when I feel "old and fat". Well fat because I just weighted myself and realized that I gained back all the weight that I lost. Crap... probably b/c I'm wearing some sweatpants and a sweater? Right... I really need to start going to my tango classes, and I need to start working out. I want to loose 5 lbs. I want to be fit and healthy, and frankly right now I dont feel too healthy either. Something's wrong with my throat, what is it? Dunno...

had a nice chat over drinks tonight with the girls... I really do miss them when I don't see them for more than a week. I think I'm pmsing.... I'm eating so much and getting tired easily and of course, getting bitchy. Like I said I've been playing nice for a while but now... that mean impatient side of me is starting to resurface. Scary.... I need to control it, perhaps I should go buy some vitamins tomorrow.

anyway.... I'm irked. I want to talk but I can't. I want to see and be close but I can't. I want 0 distance soon. I want to be able to hang out and spend time together.... i hate the distance, the time difference . . . I want him by my side.... I hate missing ppl. I hate missing, period. really annoyed...

going to bed. don't want to think or feel... annoyed.

This is what I'll get myself for xmas this year, IF I achieve everything that I set out to do for the year. So far so good... but still have a long way to go. I am determined to advance at work, really get my feet wet in both design and strategic planning. I'm determined to save hmmmmmm, at least half of what I used to save monthly after I become a full time, and I should learn to cook more, eat out less. And I hope to get a chance to go on a vacation this year sometimes... Taiwan doesn't count since to me that's a must. I need to start studying for the NCIDQ exam as soon as school's out, so I can take the exam once I fulfill the minimum work requirement (thousand of hrs right?). Then after that, which would probably be in 08, study and get LEED certified as well. I want to get all the necessary testing and certification done within two years, meaning before 2009. I think that's a realistic goal. By that time I would be... 29 ... still pretty close to my ideal in terms of age and accomplishment. Not far off after all. Though I may not be my own boss, the principle of some design firm, but for someone that took a chance and made a career change, I have to say I'm proud of how things turned out. I just hope things will continue to work out as planned. As for the less rational, less plan-able (i know, not a real word) side of things... well keeping good faith and staying positive is the PLAN. Hoping, wishing, dreaming... keeping fingers crossed (or extended... j/k).

This year's been awesome so far, no fighting with friends, no restlessness, there's a sense of direction and accomplishment. A sense of pride and joy, and a sense of self. I just hope every year can be as good as this year, for everyone. And yay, grandpa's still alive and well! I only say that because I'm glad he lives past 82 contrary to his belief. I wonder if he now thinks it might be 82 actual age, instead of 82 lunar calender age. Either way, I wish for him to be healthy and happy.

Also got a call a couple days ago from old boss... despite my shock when I heard the reason why he called... I have to say "it does feel good to be wanted". It's... like a delayed validation. Well... I seem to have pretty good luck with old bosses and with opportunities relating to them but gees.. hmmmmmm definitely interesting to know that the request came from someone that I've only worked with briefly. Maybe in their minds I'm a cheap labor who delivers but... either way... it's nice. However, I'm finally at a place in my life where I can genuinely say I am happy. I would do everything within my power to maintain this. I want to stay happy.... and I am happy. I am therefore I will be... hahahaha

:) Ah! It's so nice to feel relaxed again, to have expendable time.

dude. what's wrong with me. so sleepy....

been days since I last wrote about anything. to sum it up, i had a great weekend in the freezing cold.... winter wonderland? It was nice in a "I cannot feel my face and my ears hurt if I touch them they would fall off" kind of way, nevertheless, it was nice.

aye. forget it. I'm too sleepy to write....