eager to do something, eager to achieve something, eager to find out something ~ is it the same as being impatient? I used to find it hard to shake off my thoughts, worries, and the fixed positions of my opinions, nevertheless my emotional memories that stick around like its superglued to my head. But lately I find it better, or even easier to let all that go. I want to break my old habits, I want to renew myself in everyway and the most important part is I want to achieve wisdom not in the sense of obtaining more knowledge about the world at large, but of myself. "Wisdom is higher consciousness, wakefulness, and awareness. Wisdom is self-knowledge; wisdom is truth manifested as clarity of vision. Wisdom sees that light and dark are inseperable and that shadows are also light." -- Lama Surya Das. Wisdom of self equals confidence, and I want to be confident being me; confident in my ability, in my views, my speech, and my action. I am eager to achieve this, but I know this takes time, and patience is a must.

It is late. I am breaking my own rule: to sleep by 12:00 a.m. I really gotta obey by that rule from now on, since I only have a week or so left before I start working... working... I am a bit nervous about that. Actually am pretty nervous about that. It is probably easier to end up with nothing and blame the system, the world at large than to accept the possibility of me screwing up in the near future. I'd like to think that I am the one for the job, that I will learn in no time and be great at everything I do... is it possible? Think positive, get positive results? I sure hope so. I am just really glad I found a job and things seem to be going pretty smoothly overall... I am really lucky, but afraid at the same time. Maybe she is watching out for me? Maybe my grandpa's excessive "bai bai" is working? Maybe I have good karma because I have great people around me... maybe I need to just be humble and work my ass off when I start working. Or maybe, i think too much and I need to shut it off by 12:00 am like it should be.