"Overview:
Put aside those complicated five-year plans. Focus on the moment. Wonderful things are going on right under your nose. It's time to remember that there are plenty of things to enjoy that don't involve material payoffs."

Focus on the moment... I am. Or I'm trying to do both... and I'm not looking for material payoffs I just want a peace of mind and security-- I want to know that things will work out.


" Daily Extended Forecast for August 06, 2006
Something is brewing, and it's shaping up to be a special (and very positive) influence in your life. This could be an unexpected phenomenon, but more likely this is something you have been wishing for and working on for quite a while. Keep your lines of communication open all day long -- make sure your phone is turned on and charged up, because one call could bring everything together in an instant. Things are getting started whether you are ready for them or not, but you should be excited."

What is it? Job opportunity?
Why am I so obsessed with that right now? Is it b/c I'm worried that this time around I won't find a job that fulfills all my requirement? Am I going to be as lucky as I was when I graduated from college? This constant worrying and nagging (From myself at myself) is driving me crazy. It's like this little voice in the head that keeps repeating itself "need to find a fabulous job that sponsors"... arghhhh I wish I can shut that noise off. It's really annoying, and I think the only time I don't hear that noise is when I swim, dance, or when I'm in a studio class paying attention to ppl's project. I don't want to move back to Asia, I want to stay here, in Santa Monica, working for an Interior Design Firm that is big enough to sponsor but small enough for me to learn and be hands on with every aspect of a project. I want to enjoy this job, I want to be happy waking up every morning to go to work and I want to be able to be financially independent again and still live comfortably. I am looking at my monthly expense report and 1) I'm glad I started doing this so I can set a realistic expectation, 2) I can pay more attention on how I can save and when I can splurge, 3) damn I really need to make a decent living if I want to maintain my lifestyle... or mainly my eating habit. I can cut down on everything else, but food. Seriously, I don't have a choice. I will make it happen... and it's just a matter of time. I will have to keep telling myself that until the day I receive an offer from a firm. I will not settle and I will not give up! Watch... I'll give in and go work for some industry totally unrelated to Interior Design just so I can stay, and that's the day I will cry out of happiness as well as disappointment...... shame on me to even think like that right now.

K... we'll see how long I can keep this up, I will look back in an year and count the # of postings related to my job search/concern. It's dumb, I can't even apply for a job right now since I'm not done with school, but if I don't apply how in the world am I going to know if I qualify? F... catch 22... I just hope the next internship will turn into something greater. I'm so sick of being in this kind of situation, I hope this will be the last time I ever have to deal with this kind of issues.... aye, why do I torture myself?

Alright. Time to update my resume once again, and my portfolio--- I will make it look as professional as possible. >:D

-Anaheim condos - swim (11 laps + tanning / reading) - dinner (a bit heavy for my taste but it's good once in a while) - corn festival (YUMMMMMMM) - yard house. I'M TIRED!!!

I really want to have a place of my own. But is it possible? I hate the fact that I am a "foreign national" and given that it would be nearly impossible for me to obtain any kind of good loan / payment option, whatever you call it. This is just yet another reminder of how important it is for me to find a job that I love that pays well and one that sponsors. I hate relying on people and I hate to be in a position where I need to depend on someone else... I hate the fact that I don't have the freedom and option to choose a job or change jobs whenever I like; every decision I make in regards to a job would be more permanent by default. I can't just "try it out", and "see how I like it".... I don't have the luxury to do that. Whatever I choose and accept would be it, IF it offers what I need the most-- a status. Why why why do I have to deal with this kind of an issue? WHY! This is when I get a bit upset with my dad for giving up on the green card, WE HAD IT ONCE. But you know what, that's fine, just like everything else if I want it bad enough I will have to earn it. I will find a way to make it happen. If it means going into different industries in the end just so I can get a job that sponsors me? THen I will do it. But then questions like these arise: "does that mean I've given up and given in? Am I settling? What happened to my ideals? Shouldn't I have just stayed in the high tech industry and continued with my career if I don't stick with interior design in the end?" I mean... I like business, any kind of business in general... but my goal is to start my own design studio in the future... I cannot give up now! This is just the beginning!!!

Why am I stressing about this again? Is it realistic for me to go and search for jobs now knowing that I will have an incredibly busy schedule just school alone? For at least another 6 months? But when should I start and how else should I promote myself? How do I market myself? I knew the difficulties coming into this industry however I didn't expect it to be this tough... I just need someone to give me a chance, like the way Kenny did. I promise I would prove to be the best investment anyone has ever made on anybody but how do I get someone to invest in me to begin with? Aye... when there's a will there's a way, I just hope I'll find my way sooner rather than later.

Oh finally went to the Prada store on Rodeo Dr yesterday... very interesting. I'm impressed.

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