What is so freaking funny? This ridiculous noise is driving me crazy! I like peace and quiet, NOW, at work, YES. GO LAUGH SOMEWHERE ELSE!!! Oh my gosh, it's not like you have your own office, so don't laugh so freaking loud!!! Yes share the laughter, spread the joy, spare the fucking noise!!!!!!!!!

Maybe it's just me... there are so many things I need to do and get done however I cannot do it alone. Cant do it alone because I don't have the knowledge or the ability to do them by myself, therefore I don't have the power or control over all matters. I would like to, love to... add another item onto my list-- to trust others and to give up control. I want this program to finish on time... I don't want it to drag on any longer... this means meetings daily starting next week until we pass that period... but THAT period never seem to end! As soon as I think "pheww we got this over with" then there's something else... and reading it in the news about the damn delay isn't exactly comforting... to think I actually play a part in this really strikes me as odd... "not my fault" I want to say.. but can't. Well.. not really just a single party's fault... multiple reasons actually...

And personal issues.. bro might actually come here for school, so step mom and him might actually come live here... where? And will I be living there too? Do I get to bo "BACK" to La Mirada if they actually move here. I am going to feel more out of place I think if they move here... I mean yes all these years I complained about not having my own place... but I literally mean MY own place, not me and my family.. just me. A house, with 4 rooms, 3 baths, and just me and my cat... I guess that's because if it is any other way it wouldn't work? Or am I just being too pessismistic? What am I afraid of? It's probably best if the interaction between my step mom and I stay at a minimum, contact by phone, etc.... to live together? I don't know...to actually play that daughter role that's so foreign to me, to play that sister role once again when I've been just ME, I don't know... we'll see, who knows if this time they will actually come.. been saying it for years.. how long has it been? 10 years I believe.