when did I go from "yeah she has a bf even though I told her not to" to "no one wants to marry her"? what the heck!! I am only 25 (or 26 lunar year) years old and I'm still young ppl! Since when do my dad worry about me finding a bf getting married having kids? just because he expects to retire in a couple of years AND just because I'm turning 27 after the darn chinese new year doesn't mean I NEED TO MARRY MYSELF OFF! I don't want a bf! What part of THAT is unclear? Marriage isn't the most important thing to me right now but apparently that's on my grandpa's mind, and now on my dad's mind. I wonder... if I were to come home with a guy out of nowhere would he still joke about not being able to marry me off? If there's a serious candidate in sight then I doubt he'll joke about it so lightly. I think he's hoping to retire and have a small business on the side, while having grandkids to play with. Oh wellz, sorry grandpa and dad, you guys will just have to wait! according to my own wisedom and others' prediction, I AM NOT READY TO MEET WHOEVER IT IS THAT I"M SUPPOSED TO MEET. My MR. RIGHT won't show up for another 2 years or so... yup... I mean I was told someone could come along now but the better choice will show up even later... in other words, I'll just wait. Ain't nothing to do but wait! I mean... I'm not ready! I really feel that I am not ready--- I cannot demand for something great when I'm not there myself-- that's my philosophy.
I know myself really well, I have great expectations and high demand, but how can I ask that much of others when I'm nothing fantastic? I mean if I look at myself... hmmmmm "she's in school, will graduate in another year, dunno where she will be at..." nothing spectacular, still a bit short of being amazing... hahahahaha just a bit. but seriously... what do I got to offer someone? I will ask for a lot but I know I'm nowhere near capable of giving much. Not emotionally, not intellectually, not career wise, and not.... i guess that's really it. basically I plan on becoming more and more attractive and charming as I get older so we'll see, hopefully equally attractive and charming guys will still be available for me to choose from in the near future. near future means 2 years... that's the amount of time I give myself to fully mature in every single way.
anyway... so I wonder, where will I be in the end of the school year? I'm starting to wonder... it looks like I'll be going through that same motion as I did when I graduated college few years back, once again I'll be on edge looking for a job opportunity that will suit myself, as for location, I still hope to stay in the U.S.
we'll see how everything goes... sometimes there's nothing else one can do but wait.