Maybe it is human nature to always take two steps back before we make that one giant leap forward. Maybe sometimes when the pressure is on we react more than we direct. Maybe, and just maybe that when things seem to take the worst turn ever they are in fact spinning themselves back around and onto the right track. Dunno... maybe this is all just things we tell ourselves when we are overcome with frustration and disappointment? Or maybe these are things we tell ourselves while exerting our last bit of strength to be hopeful, positive, and optimistic. Either way it is probably the best way to think until proven wrong... until the truth is too ugly to ignore. But I believe if one remains positive the ugliness will never get a chance to rear its head... or am I once again, fooling myself?

12:00 am. Again I failed. Maybe I haven't been trying, really trying to stick to a healthy diet, healthy lifestyle? Hmmm ... lets start with tonight. How about I sleep now, and wake up early enough to waste my time tomorrow. ;) Good idea.

Ah! LEVI!! I miss my fat fat cat. He's sooo adorable and so irresistible. He was so happy when he saw me, unlike before when I was gone for months... He won't stop purrrrrring hehehe... awww I love my fat cat. He's irreplaceable... I hope he lives as long as I live, then we can die and go to heaven together or something.

It's 2 am... physically really really tired, but my mind is wide awake! I guess I'm not the only person with this problem. This is seriously the only side affect of international traveling. Coming back here the first thing I did was clean... but its sort of strange ... u leave a place, for three weeks you are in a totally different world. Felt longer than three weeks b/c of where I was, and back again and you realize it's only three short weeks. Not much has changed...

It's always like that. Going there everything seems so new and interesting... so many changes. Coming back there's the annoying jet lag and things seem to move at a much slower pace. The reason is obvious but I can't help but wonder if I'll always feel this way towards the States...

alright I need to fix my jet lag. I have a lot to do.... argh that's another thing. It always feels like there's so much that I need to take care of here and with so little time... feels busy every second. Kind of annoying... but maybe I subconsciously like it this way... keeps me busy and keeps me from thinking too much.

whatever it is, I need to sleep... and stop--- my mind that is. I need to shut it off.

got work tomorrow.