was so tired yesterday that I just fell asleep on the sofa once again, the side effect of having TV I guess-- bad vision, laziness, fatigue. No but was thinking....
1) came to a realization that there's no absolute truth ... there's not one way to live but many ways and every philosophy every single possible way that a person chooses to go about his/her life has some truth and validity to it. It might not work for everyone but it probably does work for that one individual, but a lucky individual that is. Many ppl practice "reckless living" around me. I don't necessarily want to adopt that approach or more accurately, I am not capable of living like that... but it's refreshing and very nice to know that it works, and it works well for many people in the end. Reckless could also mean flexible, spontaneous, which would allow a person to change course quicker and faster therefore catch the next big wave sooner. Whereas planned could also mean rigid, stubborn, uncompromising, etc... I mean I've finally came to realize that all these years whenever I get frustrated with someone who does something "wrong", or breaks all the rules in my book, is only b/c I am not able to do the same due to a guilty conscience. This guilt which is just so strongly tied to the Asian culture, the Confucius ideology in which I was brought up.... doesn't seem to apply to everyone and those are the ppl who seem more free..... I really wish I can be more free.... only if I could be more free. Had I approached life differently, would I have came to the same conclusion and achieved a similar success? I used to think no but now I wonder...
2) bridging the gap via imitation. strange... I got a sense that she was imitating mom but when she said it, that she is imitating mom's posture, hairstyle, etc... it's a funny weird feeling I guess. I guess that's one way to understand a person and one way to trace back and draw a connection... it is a way to rediscover and bring the past into the present, back into life. At least it brought some familiarity and some comfort back into my life... as though she is around again. The similarity is also a bit shocking, now I see it, now I know why they say she is a lot more like mom than I am. There's that softness that I don't have, that sense of vulnerability behind the strong image she left behind. Dunno whatever she captured is quiet accurate, it's not the looks but the feeling. Hmmmm... what a silly sis but glad one of us is silly. And maybe we all got a part of her in us somewhere...
lately, or this year I should say, is the year of positive change --- sis will be here for school in July (wow, all of us siblings in one country though diff locations)... transitioning from part time work / school into full time employee ... looking into buying a new car and maybe finally having a home... and the great big move that we've been waiting hoping for. I'm excited. Friends are all doing well too, graduating, going to school, getting good jobs, etc....
I'm really happy for everyone and for the way things have turned out. I welcome change, I welcome positive changes.