met the lawyer in person yesterday. not my lawyer, the company's. She seems real nice. she reminded me that in two weeks I should get an answer back. not really nervous. sort of don't care. i want an answer, it will at least provide me with some kind of a direction. yup. Meanwhile I am going to enjoy myself... always prepare for the worst, and hope for the best... "gan ba de!".
today i had a conversation with a dude about one night stands, and breaking social rules. I am not sure if it is because he is a dude, or because he is who he is... that I find it hard to accept that maybe more people also think like him. I feel rules are there for a reason, not to repress human beings but are guidelines set up by those before us, to help us live a easier life. I am a firm advocate on morality and the significance of these moral values, I feel there are mistakes that can be avoided by listening to the wise teaching of elders and to follow some socially acceptable, socially defined rules. Yet I also feel it is okay to break some rules otherwise a person can never truly understand the importance of it, and to appreciate it. Again all things are relative, and one's mentality matters. If one feels some rules in society are not applicable to his/her own life then that's fine. But I would also demand a person to be honest to himself/herself and ask whether he is going against some rule out of resentment, or that he.she really feels these rules are merely restrictions placed on us which carry no benefit whatsoever! One should not live up to rules and standards simply for the purpose of pleaseing others, but he/she should really feel and see eye to eye with these social norms before blindly following or obeying the rules. I feel morality, builds character. If one merely lives life by emotion not by logic, having no concept of what's right, wrong, good, bad, then that life is not worth living. Anyone can simply live, to stay alive isn't hard, to live a good life with understanding and growth and conscience, to be able to distinguish one from another, makes life interesting and worth living. I suppose this is too general, but in perspective, my personal thing is whether I can allow myself to break my own rule, not a socially defined rule. And to say that must mean I have truly adopted these ideas as my own and to make it my own, is to make it that much more difficult for me to go against and disappoint-- myself. One night stand-- I don't feel I can do it. Whether it be for purely physical reason and no strings attached, I am not sure if that's something I want to do. Not because of what people will say, but whether I can deal with my own action afterwards. How I see myself is definitely more important, than how others see me, and I guess that's what distinguish one from another.
to cry a river requires you to first shed a tear, that's a start. I guess I will never cry a river.