feeling a bit annoyed. a bit impatient, a bit of everything. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I'm not where I thought I would be. To think that I already went through my quarter life crisis at 23 then I ask myself, what is this that I'm feeling? I thought 2004 was full of changes but apparently there's more to come... too much pressure sometimes? From dad, from myself, I just hate it when I don't meet the expectation... but whose standard am I trying to live up to anyway? Mine? Or someone else's?

Dad's been venting to me a lot lately, that's something new. I think he's just worried and of course the obvious, he's tired. His worries and concern are valid but nevertheless, I don't really appreciate his criticism and his tendency to blame my mom for the way we turned out. He blames the DNA, HER DNA... uh okay... I'm sick of everyone blaming everyone else. My smom's constant shit talking and saying "You Yens blah blah", dad's not so constructive criticism and his pessismistic views and of course this tension between my aunt/uncle and my family. I mean what am I saying, we are all one fucking family so if ppl can just stop pretending playing games and talking shit, I'm sure we'll all get alone better. One day I'm just going to let it all out, the day that I can't stand it anymore. I am really tired, for some reason... I am not happy either.

When will I be truly happy? WHEN? When I'm done with school and when I'm working for myself? When I have a bf then a husband? It's the same shit, I haven't changed... I'm still looking forward to the future looking for something else somewhere far somebody better... nothing's new... if I don't change this attitude of mine and learn to enjoy the present, I'll never be happy.

From now on, I'm going to be happy. Happy with the NOW, the MOMENT, AS IS.